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New Year, Same Trash: Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keep (A Vintage Short Original)

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New Year, Same Trash: Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keep (A Vintage Short Original)

4.85 92,934 ratings · 9,354 reviews
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Overview: Comedian, blogger and essayist Samantha Irby is not going to be a better person this year than she was last. Nope. With a small group of woo-woo others, Irby sets seventy micro-resolutions, and then—with the rest of us—she fails at almost every single one of them.   Thoughtful, witty, poignant—the failed intentions in New Year Same Trash will make you laugh and cry. Because you know you’ve been there. You can’t wake up in time to go to brunch. Swimming three times a week? Who are you kidding. You’re not going to shower every day or pack your lunch every day. You’re definitely not going to choose a smart movie over mindless entertainment, because you’re tired. You’re lazy. And, no, you’re never going to be a positive thinker. “I didn’t do this. I’m gonna. Maybe.” Don’t worry. It’s okay. There’s always next year. Instantly recognizable to anyone who’s ever failed to make goals and stick with them, New Year Same Trash will bring hilarious relief.A Vintage Shorts Original. An ebook short.

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Book details & editions

ISBN
33653133
Publisher
Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Publication date
January 24, 2017
Language
Eng
Pages
28 pages
Reading Options
PDF · EPUB · Mobi
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Samantha Irby
About the Author
Samantha Irby
10,002 Followers

Samantha Irby is a writer and avid reader based in the Pacific Northwest. Before pursuing writing full-time, they spent over a decade working in education. When not working on their next book, Samantha Irby can usually be found hiking with their dog or trying out new coffee shops in their neighborhood.

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Elizabeth Moore
Elizabeth Moore April 12, 2024
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. Quite impressive overall.
George Garcia
George Garcia August 14, 2024
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Nancy Thomas April 27, 2025
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall.
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I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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A very strong entry. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A solid 4 stars from me.
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An acceptable diversion. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. A fair 3 stars.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Nancy Scott August 16, 2025
A very strong entry. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Rebecca Roberts
Rebecca Roberts November 24, 2025
Not entirely to my refined tastes. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. Perfectly average.
Kevin Harris
Kevin Harris November 29, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Betty Thompson
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Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
Sharon Rivera
Sharon Rivera May 05, 2024
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Betty Collins
Betty Collins September 13, 2025
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Christopher Hill December 27, 2025
Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars.
Kevin  Davis
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An acceptable diversion. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
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I find myself somewhat conflicted. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
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Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Sharon Campbell
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A profoundly satisfying read. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
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Thomas Nelson April 17, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading.
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Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading.
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A profoundly satisfying read. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An effortless 5 stars.
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Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars.
Jacob Jones
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall.
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A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
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A profoundly satisfying read. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. A true literary gem.
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Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
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I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars.
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Laura Parker July 30, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Andrew Allen
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Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
Sharon Rivera
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Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
Emily Nelson
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I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel.
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I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A solid 4 stars from me.
Karen Perez
Karen Perez May 25, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Jacob Campbell
Jacob Campbell October 23, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars.
Joshua Walker
Joshua Walker May 15, 2025
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Laura  Parker
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading.
Steven Miller
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Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Not entirely to my refined tastes. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. Perfectly average.
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A profoundly satisfying read. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars.
Patricia Miller
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Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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A highly sophisticated read. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A solid 4 stars from me.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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A profoundly satisfying read. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Steven Torres
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I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
Gary Diaz
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Charles Diaz
Charles Diaz August 10, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars.
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A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel.
Jacob Jones
Jacob Jones June 17, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
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A profoundly satisfying read. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Patricia Williams
Patricia Williams June 08, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
Jessica Adams
Jessica Adams April 16, 2025
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Elizabeth Moore
Elizabeth Moore April 18, 2025
I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Jacob Edwards
Jacob Edwards September 07, 2025
I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
Sandra Hill
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A very strong entry. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Thomas Thomas
Thomas Thomas May 15, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Sandra Lopez
Sandra Lopez February 23, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Karen Johnson
Karen Johnson November 12, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Amanda Torres
Amanda Torres June 15, 2024
Not entirely to my refined tastes. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Perfectly average.
Anthony Torres
Anthony Torres February 15, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Anthony Collins
Anthony Collins February 13, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Elizabeth Moore
Elizabeth Moore December 10, 2025
I find myself somewhat conflicted. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. A fair 3 stars.
Jessica Williams
Jessica Williams February 19, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Gary Mitchell
Gary Mitchell November 27, 2025
A very strong entry. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A solid 4 stars from me.
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Sandra Gonzalez March 11, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Steven Miller
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Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Edward Perez February 24, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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I was completely blown away. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An effortless 5 stars.
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I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Mary Harris
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Exceeded all my expectations. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Steven Torres
Steven Torres March 10, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
Ashley Wilson
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A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Jacob Edwards
Jacob Edwards April 22, 2024
Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall.
Matthew Anderson
Matthew Anderson March 23, 2024
A very strong entry. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A very distinguished novel.
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An acceptable diversion. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
Susan Garcia
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Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Michelle Miller
Michelle Miller May 18, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem.
Patricia Young
Patricia Young January 07, 2025
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A solid 4 stars from me.
Michelle Cruz
Michelle Cruz November 05, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. A true literary gem.
Elizabeth Taylor
Elizabeth Taylor April 22, 2024
Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
Daniel Jones
Daniel Jones August 30, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Stephanie Williams
Stephanie Williams December 10, 2025
Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Rebecca Sanchez
Rebecca Sanchez June 21, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Mary Campbell
Mary Campbell August 28, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
Richard Reyes
Richard Reyes March 04, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Joseph Edwards
Joseph Edwards June 05, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Joseph Evans
Joseph Evans June 30, 2024
I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars.
Anthony Torres
Anthony Torres December 18, 2025
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall.
David Mitchell
David Mitchell July 22, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Deborah Clark
Deborah Clark November 17, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Gary Ramirez
Gary Ramirez March 23, 2024
I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
Emily Garcia
Emily Garcia July 31, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Thomas Torres
Thomas Torres May 29, 2025
Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Jacob Wright
Jacob Wright February 27, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Emily Turner
Emily Turner April 28, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A solid 4 stars from me.
Sharon Rivera
Sharon Rivera November 29, 2024
A decent, if standard, experience. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Perfectly average.
Joseph Brown
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An acceptable diversion. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time.
Kimberly Sanchez
Kimberly Sanchez October 23, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Karen Perez
Karen Perez February 06, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A solid 4 stars from me.
Gary Diaz
Gary Diaz June 23, 2024
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall.
Joseph White
Joseph White November 02, 2024
Excellent, though slightly flawed. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Karen Martinez
Karen Martinez October 25, 2024
Not entirely to my refined tastes. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. Perfectly average.
Richard Robinson
Richard Robinson April 10, 2025
A decent, if standard, experience. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
William Walker
William Walker October 20, 2025
A decent, if standard, experience. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. Perfectly average.
Nicholas Hernandez
Nicholas Hernandez August 18, 2024
I was completely blown away. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars.
Karen Martinez
Karen Martinez September 28, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
Daniel Brown
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A profoundly satisfying read. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
Mark Moore
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Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars.
Richard Clark
Richard Clark September 20, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Steven Anderson
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Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An effortless 5 stars.
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