My Thinning Years: Starving the Gay Within

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4.85
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My Thinning Years: Starving the Gay Within

Written by Jon Derek Croteau
4.85 14,348 ratings
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About this ebook:
As a child, Jon tried desperately to be his father’s version of the all-American boy, denying his gayness in a futile attempt to earn the love and respect of an abusive man. With this he built a deep, internalized homophobia that made him want to disappear rather than live with the truth about himself. That denial played out in the forms of anorexia, bulimia, and obsessive running, which consumed him as an adolescent and young adult.It wasn’t until a grueling yet transformative Outward Bound experience that Jon began to face his sexual identity. This exploration continued as he entered college and started the serious work of sorting through years of repressed anger to separate from his father’s control and condemnation.My Thinning Years is an inspiring story of courage, creativity, and the will to live—and of recreating the definition of family to include friends, relatives, and teachers who support you in realizing your true self.“A storyteller's job is to help others find their way. Show them choices. Perhaps avoid pitfalls. Jon Derek Croteau's powerful new book is a beacon shining on the puzzle of life.”—Bob Dotson, New York Times bestselling author of American Story, a Lifetime Search for Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Things & NBC News/Today Show Correspondent“I canceled plans to finish this book, and you will, too. Alternately riveting, heartfelt and horrifying, Jon Derek Croteau's descent into anorexia and obsessive running as a means to deny his true self is spellbinding.”—Eric Poole, author of Where's My Wand“Jon Derek Croteau writes with unstinting honesty in his memoir MY THINNING YEARS, and courageously explores the harmful effects of bullies long after they've left the scene. But he also reveals the plain fact that the greatest bully we have to win over is often the one within us.”—James Lecesne, Co-Founder of THE TREVOR PROJECT“A fantastic and harrowing story, told deeply and honestly…an emotional read…a generous, hopeful book I dearly hope gets into the hands of the many people who face similar hardships and desperately need to hear Jon Derek Croteau's story.”—Randy Harrison, actor, Queer As Folk“MY THINNING YEARS is an inspiring story of one man's struggle with anorexia, with sexual identity, and his struggle for selfhood.”—Betsy Lerner, author of Food and Loathing“The story of all of us as we come to terms with who we are. As I raced through these pages like the runner within them, I was reminded of my own trials… It takes courage to tell your story, to come out, to remove yourself from an abusive relationship. These pages help usher in our more tolerant present and our ever-evolving hearts.”—Award-winning singer/songwriter, Will Dailey“MY THINNING YEARS is not just a labor of love but a love-letter to those who are struggling silently and suffering deeply with an eating disorder. Jon Derek Croteau sheds incredible insight and a heartfelt vision for surviving and thriving in your life.”—Jess Weiner, Author, Strategist and Self-Esteem Expert“MY THINNING YEARS is an emotional journey through Jon Derek Croteau’s struggle with eating disorders and accepting his identity as a gay man. In his struggle to accept his sexuality, Croteau attempts to erase his pain through trying to erase himself. Men’s experiences of anorexia and bulimia are underrepresented in media, medical and personal accounts. This is an honest, powerful and raw insight into the self-punishing, self-harming and consuming force of eating disorders.”—Grace Bowman, author of Thin“You do not need an eating disorder, homosexual tendencies, or a terrible parent to love this book. Croteau's story is a universal one, and his painful and hard-won transformation will both move and inspire you.”—Eric Poole, author of Where’s My Wand? One Boy’s Magical Triumph over Alienation and Shag Carpeting“MY THINNING YEARS is a powerful story about overcoming adversity. Jon Derek Croteau’s courage, honesty, and unfailing passion are sure to both inspire and keep the pages turning!”—Jenni Schaefer, co-author of Almost Anorexic, author of Life Without Ed and Goodbye Ed, Hello Me

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Published August 19, 2014
ISBN 20523567
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Jon  Derek Croteau
About the Author
Jon Derek Croteau

Jon Derek Croteau is the author of several novels. Originally from the East Coast, they now live in the Midwest with family. In addition to writing, Jon Derek Croteau enjoys gardening, cooking, and reading way past bedtime. Their work often explores the complexities of everyday life and human relationships.

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Andrew Phillips
Andrew Phillips February 25, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
Kevin Hernandez
Kevin Hernandez February 15, 2024
I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
Susan Cruz
Susan Cruz July 08, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. A true literary gem.
William Evans
William Evans February 13, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Charles Cruz
Charles Cruz November 27, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
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Joseph Carter February 29, 2024
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A solid 4 stars from me.
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David Robinson
David Robinson January 23, 2024
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A very distinguished novel.
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Kimberly Garcia February 06, 2024
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A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A solid 4 stars from me.
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Rebecca Gonzalez May 24, 2024
Excellent, though slightly flawed. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Exceeded all my expectations. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
George Smith
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A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
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A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
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Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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William Evans
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I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Donald Mitchell
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A highly sophisticated read. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A solid 4 stars from me.
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Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. Worth every moment spent reading.
Christopher Rivera
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I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
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Donna Phillips
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I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
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I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Ryan Perez
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Mary Garcia
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A decent, if standard, experience. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
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Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars.
James Gomez
James Gomez December 02, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Michelle Roberts
Michelle Roberts June 05, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel.
Michael Baker
Michael Baker April 03, 2024
I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Barbara Ramirez
Barbara Ramirez April 02, 2025
Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars.
Jacob Lewis
Jacob Lewis October 07, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. Worth every moment spent reading.
Linda Campbell
Linda Campbell March 27, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Eric Robinson
Eric Robinson February 12, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall.
Ryan Walker
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A very strong entry. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Stephanie Wilson
Stephanie Wilson October 17, 2024
I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Edward Taylor
Edward Taylor April 11, 2024
Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
Susan Cruz
Susan Cruz October 17, 2024
I was completely blown away. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Steven Baker
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A profoundly satisfying read. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading.
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I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Jacob Gonzalez
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Laura Brown
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Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. Worth every moment spent reading.
Betty Adams
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A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
William Roberts
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I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A very distinguished novel.
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I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem.
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Mary Garcia
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Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
Donna Phillips
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A profoundly satisfying read. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars.
Carol Campbell
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
Steven Baker
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Joseph Lewis
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Carol Campbell April 16, 2024
Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Laura Jones
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
Michael Baker
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I was completely blown away. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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A decent, if standard, experience. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
William Roberts
William Roberts August 01, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
George Moore
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Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. Worth every moment spent reading.
Edward Flores
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Cynthia Sanchez
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Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Stephanie Moore
Stephanie Moore July 30, 2025
Not entirely to my refined tastes. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
Brian Campbell
Brian Campbell February 15, 2025
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Donna Gomez
Donna Gomez August 26, 2024
Not entirely to my refined tastes. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
Donna Nguyen
Donna Nguyen November 23, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An effortless 5 stars.
Steven Robinson
Steven Robinson January 05, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Rebecca Gonzalez
Rebecca Gonzalez June 15, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading.
Patricia Miller
Patricia Miller January 19, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Ryan Lee
Ryan Lee October 02, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Robert Lewis
Robert Lewis April 17, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall.
Robert Evans
Robert Evans January 25, 2024
I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars.
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Joshua Smith May 14, 2024
I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Mark Williams
Mark Williams September 29, 2024
Excellent, though slightly flawed. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. Quite impressive overall.
William Diaz
William Diaz April 21, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Karen Roberts
Karen Roberts November 15, 2024
I find myself somewhat conflicted. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time.
Linda Moore
Linda Moore May 01, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Barbara Hall
Barbara Hall April 22, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Daniel Collins
Daniel Collins April 05, 2024
I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Edward Garcia
Edward Garcia November 03, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Carol Robinson
Carol Robinson April 28, 2024
I was completely blown away. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars.
Melissa Williams
Melissa Williams July 13, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Nancy Martinez
Nancy Martinez April 27, 2024
Not entirely to my refined tastes. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. A fair 3 stars.
Jessica Green
Jessica Green June 15, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall.
Lisa Jackson
Lisa Jackson July 15, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. Quite impressive overall.
Margaret Martinez
Margaret Martinez July 06, 2024
Excellent, though slightly flawed. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Robert Reyes
Robert Reyes September 25, 2024
I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Mark Wright
Mark Wright July 07, 2025
I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
Donald Taylor
Donald Taylor June 09, 2025
A decent, if standard, experience. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
Karen Turner
Karen Turner November 25, 2024
A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Jennifer White
Jennifer White August 05, 2024
Excellent, though slightly flawed. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A solid 4 stars from me.
Robert Lewis
Robert Lewis March 07, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Gary Martin
Gary Martin December 10, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
Elizabeth Johnson
Elizabeth Johnson January 20, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. Worth every moment spent reading.
Ryan Wilson
Ryan Wilson July 04, 2024
A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A solid 4 stars from me.
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